Funny Stories from Maryland

Of course AFTER we ordered from this restaurant:

 

we realized that it was a cash-only place.  And we certainly didn’t have enough cash!  Sadly this is not the only time this has happened to us.  I guess this is what we get for supporting local businesses instead of the ever-prevalent Subway across the street.  Oy.

……….

One day my little family decided to head down to Frederick and we had to take my sister’s car.  That’s a stick.  I don’t drive stick.  Not because I won’t but because I CAN’T.  As in I don’t know how.  So we were joking that we had to get back early in case my husband started getting drowsy at the wheel.  (It happens)

Well, we are backing out of their driveway and my husband realizes that he doesn’t know how to put this specific car in reverse.  Luckily their driveway slopes down so it wasn’t an issue.  I wanted to run inside and ask my sister how to shift into reverse but Stephen didn’t want to waste the time.  So instead we both agree to not get into a position where he would have to shift into reverse.  Do you sense a problem yet?

There we are, driving away into unknown territory when it is realized that we missed a street.  Instead of waiting to turn at the light he decides to turn around.  Unfortunately it was only a two-lane road.  Problem!  We couldn’t reverse to make a three-point turn and were stuck! We were blocking traffic with no idea how to reverse!  HAHAHA.    I even tried looking through the glove compartment for the owner’s manual to figure out what to do.  In retrospect it’s hilarious.  At the time?  Not so much. 

(He did figure it out…in case you were wondering)

……….

My husband has to drive most places we go because otherwise he gets car sick.  So he ended up driving us home from the airport the first day we got there with my sister sitting shot-gun telling him how to get to her house. 

Her directions were PHENOMENAL.  Not being from Maryland her tips were spot on.  If you’ve never driven anywhere before.  Which we have. 

   

“Now you have to watch out, because you won’t be able to see the other cars coming until you reach the top of the hill.”   Surprising, huh?

“Now this is tricky because there’s a road coming up and you’ll have to look both ways to see if any cars are coming.”  Shocking.

……..

This is my nephew Happy (my sister’s blog name for him).  He is pure trouble and very DANGEROUS.  And such a cutie patootie.

Happy-ism:

He had a friend over playing on their new swingset.  The little boy had to go to the bathroom inside and unfortunately somehow got his pants wet.  He was SUPER embarrassed but luckily his mom was there to take him home. 

As they are trying to discreetly walk away, Happy from on top of the swingset yells, “Did you PEE your pants?”

Niiice. 

……..

This is Happy’s older brother SuperBoy.

I was trying to help him with his math homework and he was having trouble remembering 8x8.  So I let him in on my little math trick that has saved me in this situation;

“8 and 8 walked into the store to buy themselves a nintendo 64”

“What’s a nintendo 64?”

Even my math tricks are aged.  Ugh.

............

My husband left 10 days before IV and I did, and I was the lucky one to take him down to the Baltimore airport.  It was quite far away and I'm sure the family was nervous with me driving back up alone...but I made it!  After I dropped my husband off I struggled to get back onto the right freeway...going the right direction!  Finally once I was headed on the right path I got a call from Stephen telling me that I still had his debit card.  I drove back to the airport only to realize it was at Anjeanette's house!  Argh!  Again, funny in retrospect...not so funny in the moment.

............

One of the days we were all there we headed on over to the Antietam battlefield.  The road leading up to it has one of those "Adopt-A-Highway" signs and no joke, it's taken care of by the local paranormal activity society.  I just thought that was so perfect!

SuperBoy and Happy were quite disappointed when we got there that there wasn't an actual battle going on.  Where are all the men and cannons?  We explained that it happened a long time ago and SuperBoy commented that if you dug right where he was standing you would probably find a dead solider.  haha.  Again we explained they were all buried in the cemetery.  They definitely helped keep things light.

..........

I was home alone one day with IV and a repair guy came over to fix the new desk.  IV was chatting away incoherently with me and I would respond with "Oh yeah" or "That's right"  or something similar and the repair guy asked me how I knew what the little guy was saying.  Ummm, I don't I was just responding.  Then he asked how much fun I was having babysitting my nephew.  Nope, this one is mine.  The final kicker was when I said I was from Phoenix and was grateful for the cooler weather in Maryland and he looked at me like I was crazy and said "Is it really warmer in Phoenix?"  Yep, pretty much.  

..........

We really enjoyed our trip and can't wait to go back!

Funnies

Last night as Stephen and I were talking to each other we had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Me: What can goats be used for?
Stephen:  Human lawn-mowers.

Haha.  I was laughing so hard at that one.

So I am a grammar/spelling nazi.  It bothers me when people misuse our language.  Here's some that I've seen lately.

Talking about the natural environment ..."natural train"  It's supposed to be "terrain".  This one might be my favorite.

In reference to parents..."I was a loud to go ..."  hahaha.

And for those of you over-achievers I'm sure you were involved in many "extra circular activates".  Man oh man, spell check can't fix everything people!

And the one that bothers me the most...a "collage" is an arts and crafts project.  "College" is a form of higher learning.  Sometimes when I see people who don't know which is which I wonder if they should even BE in college.  But then I realize even I make spelling and grammar mistakes and I let it slide. 

P.S. On a non-funny note, I've only got 10 pounds to lose!  Yipee!  I've lost a total of 47 pounds since giving birth.  That's quite impressive!

3 reasons...

...That I'm Apprehensive To Open Our Door.

*Now mind you that this list has just been composed while in Texas and at our rental house. And these are all true events.*

1.) The Sheriff. I had the opportunity to open our door and to find the Sheriff standing there with an arrest warrant!! Thankfully it was for the guy who lived in the apartment out back and not for either of us. Or maybe I shouldn't be so thankful that the Sheriff was on the lookout for the man who lived just feet away from us.

2.) An FBI Agent. He actually flashed his badge at me! Although really I would have had no idea if it were a fake. So what do I do? I invite this man into my house while I'm home alone. Not my brightest moment. Thankfully he declined and stayed outside while I gathered the necessary information. Turns out he was looking for the previous renters, neither us nor the landlord knows what happened to them.

3.) The Crazy Lady. Or I should say the Crazy Couple. This one happened much more recently.

No one is currently living in the back apartment and so we have a For Rent sign in our front lawn. People are supposed to call the number to get in touch with our landlady but of course no one does that, instead they come to the door looking for information. Unfortunately for them I have no information to give; I don't know the rental amount of the apartment, nor have I been inside to see what it looks like. Until recently I didn't even know how many bedrooms it had. And I don't even know how to get in contact with our landlords because Stephen takes care of all of that for me.

Anyway last Tuesday I was busy getting ready for my appointment and Stephen was supposed to be home any minute in order to take me. I heard the doorbell ring like a million times in two seconds (as if by a young child who likes to push buttons) and figured it was Stephen being silly. Then he knocked on the door rapidly and so I rushed to get it before he woke the baby. Much to my surprise an elderly white woman in her pajamas combing her hair greeted me at the door.

She stuck her comb in her hair and then proceeded to talk to me. Apparently she lives down the street and is having issues with their rental house. I told her to call the number on the sign because I really couldn't help her as we are not the landlords. Instead of taking my advice she asked if she could come inside to see what our house looked like. Ummm, no. Here's a little snippet of our conversation.

Crazy Lady:"You know down by where the prison is?"

Me: "Umm, nope I don't"

CL: "Well the prison is named after my great-great-great-daddy."

Me: "Umm, ok."

CL: "Can I use you as a reference?"

Me: "Umm, no."

It was at this point that my child starts crying and I had to close the door and leave.

Later on her husband came and spoke to Stephen. I have no idea what was said but he knew from their conversation that he was married to the afore-mentioned Crazy Lady.

Saturday rolls around and after answering the door multiple times to possible renters (thank goodness we won't be around for that long) Stephen came hurrying to the bedroom to tell me that the Crazy Couple was coming to our door. After a quick assessment we deemed it best to not answer the door again. Again they rang the doorbell and knocked on the door repeatedly. Honestly, that is not the best way to get someone to open their door. When we didn't come to the door they continued to knock and ring for quite some time.

Finally they stopped and we went to the window to see them standing in our front yard plotting their next move. Again they came to knock and ring and when that proved unfruitful they decided to go around our house tapping on the windows!!! I was certainly creeped out and it didn't help that the lady was drinking her beer the whole time.

They soon left and came back to mow our lawn. As he was mowing the lawn she proceeded to knock on the windows and doors.

Later we heard a man near our door say, "No, I'm not going to do that." And we witnessed the mail man walk to the next house. From what we gathered she asked him to knock on our door! When he refused to do that she decided to knock on the door herself yelling, "Mails here, come open your door!"

They finally left and needless to say I was glad we have a storage of food to outlast the crazies who come to the door.