I am a Card-Carrying Member of...

Allergic Reactions Anonymous.  Although technically it's not a card, but a pen.  

No, not like the kind you write with, like the kind you stab into your leg to keep from dying.

Ooh, that sounds interesting to you?  Well, let me tell you how you too can be lucky enough to join the club and have to carry around one of these.

First you need to have an allergy.  Only one is needed, although more can up your chances.  Oh, you don't have allergies?  That's ok, you can develop them at any time and without any warning.  Sounds fun already doesn't it?

Secondly the allergy (or allergies) need to become severe.  Common threats include milk, peanuts, cashews, pistachios, and bee stings... really the list goes on and on.

Thirdly you need to have an allergic reaction.  Not just any reaction mind you.  You need to have an anaphylactic reaction.  In addition to the tingling, swelling, itching, throbbing, and rash you need to have swelling of your throat, difficulty breathing and vomiting.  Or you could opt for outrageous swelling that results in comical looking organs.  Like your lips for example.  ;)

Then if and only if you are lucky enough to take this one step further, you will need to experience shock because of what your body is going through.  

Sounds thrilling doesn't it?  No?  Well, if you ever do experience this, I'm totally prepared.  But mostly in case this happens to me again.  Mostly.